A New Member

I am wanting to invite a new member into our family...a DSLR camera to call my very own.

I have loved my little point-and-shoot since it's arrival, but it is time to take the next step.  I've been feeling it for about a year.  I have researched and dreamed for days and months.  I feel like the time to bring her home is coming soon.

She will be a part of our family because of the contribution she will make.  She will be the memory-preserver, and I will be the historian.  Partners in creation, we will strive to capture the small and the mundane, the large and illustrious.  Together, we can weave the tapestry of our family's history, for generations to enjoy...

Soon you will be mine, and I will name you and handle you with care, and take you wherever our family treads, for you will be the dear device that will preserve the memories that I will look upon in the many years to come.

Today I'm feeling purple.

Royal purple.  Life is glorious and full of beauty.  I feel like I am part of something grander than myself...motherhood and the growing and nurturing of my soul, and theirs.

And this duty is Divine.  I have been commissioned from on High for the grandest, holiest, most sacred calling a daughter of God can ever have, that of mother.  How can I ever be enough to give my sweet little ones all that they need, deserve in this life?

But the realization then drapes over me like a velvet cloak of purple assuring me of the royalty that runs through my veins, and thoughts of I can do this and He will be with me rest on my careworn shoulders, bolstering them up to the stature of a princess.  Once again, I am reminded that God is my Father and I am His daughter, which makes me the daughter of the Creator of the whole wide universe, the Divine King of all heaven and earth.  And I am His daughter?  I smile knowing, feeling the reality of this truth.

And I can do this mothering journey because He is my Father, which means He will be there to show me the way.  He will be a lamp unto my feet, a lighthouse glowing to steer me aright.  And I will be the mother He intended because Eucharisteo is always enough.  His grace is always sufficient, and if our grace is coupled with His, it will always be enough.

And this is why I am feeling purple. Deep, majestic, royal, and ready to conquer the world...or just my home, where I am the queen.

My Secret.

Each night for the past month and a half (and many times inbetween), I have communed with God and pleaded with Him for a baby.

...a baby girl.

And heaven has answered too many times to count, in the affirmative.

But my self-doubting, human mind has questioned me--not Him of course, with thoughts of how this could be possible and how can I trust my feelings since they must be blurred by desire.

And yet deep within, I feel the burning. And the peace. And the hope alive and burning, glowing with truth.  I have felt close to her, so close. My heart aches for her as if I've lost her and yet it must be the ache of reuniting with someone I've missed for ever so long.

I await His timing knowing that last month must not have been right, but this month I think will be.  

We wondered if this month could be right when the due date would be only a few days after Thanksgiving.  And we will be moving only a few weeks later.  I doubted and felt nothing.  But my sweetheart received the heaven-sent revelation this time.  I cannot forget the way he smiled at me, telling me how wonderful it would be to hold our baby girl on Thanksgiving...in thanksgiving.  And my heart gasped for he didn't know that I had felt the very exact same thing only the night before.

And so we tried this month.

And if my intuition is indeed gleaming, we succeeded.

For when my sweetheart and I were peacefully watching a lovely movie, I felt the impression, the vision almost, that He was telling her it was almost time.  And tears stung my eyes and I stared at the pink blooming tulips on the vanity and willed her to being with all of my heart.  

And since that late night of visions and tulip-gazing my body is showing early signs and my heart is knowing yes this is the month.

So now I wait. We wait. Not in agony as last month, but in hopeful, knowing anticipation of the dawn that is just about to break.