My Secret.

Each night for the past month and a half (and many times inbetween), I have communed with God and pleaded with Him for a baby.

...a baby girl.

And heaven has answered too many times to count, in the affirmative.

But my self-doubting, human mind has questioned me--not Him of course, with thoughts of how this could be possible and how can I trust my feelings since they must be blurred by desire.

And yet deep within, I feel the burning. And the peace. And the hope alive and burning, glowing with truth.  I have felt close to her, so close. My heart aches for her as if I've lost her and yet it must be the ache of reuniting with someone I've missed for ever so long.

I await His timing knowing that last month must not have been right, but this month I think will be.  

We wondered if this month could be right when the due date would be only a few days after Thanksgiving.  And we will be moving only a few weeks later.  I doubted and felt nothing.  But my sweetheart received the heaven-sent revelation this time.  I cannot forget the way he smiled at me, telling me how wonderful it would be to hold our baby girl on Thanksgiving...in thanksgiving.  And my heart gasped for he didn't know that I had felt the very exact same thing only the night before.

And so we tried this month.

And if my intuition is indeed gleaming, we succeeded.

For when my sweetheart and I were peacefully watching a lovely movie, I felt the impression, the vision almost, that He was telling her it was almost time.  And tears stung my eyes and I stared at the pink blooming tulips on the vanity and willed her to being with all of my heart.  

And since that late night of visions and tulip-gazing my body is showing early signs and my heart is knowing yes this is the month.

So now I wait. We wait. Not in agony as last month, but in hopeful, knowing anticipation of the dawn that is just about to break.