Thoughtful Thursday....Skittle Rainbow

Color me a Rainbow.  My thoughts are whimsical, light, sweetly colorful, and fantastical today.

I'm thinking about:
*color
*candy
*frosty Frosted Mini Wheats
*Little hair bows and flowers

Today I want to:
*making our leaf preschool lesson fun today
*let laughter spill out of nowhere and for no reason
*enjoy the moments

What are your thoughts on this Thoughtful Thursday??

Today I'm feeling purple.

Royal purple.  Life is glorious and full of beauty.  I feel like I am part of something grander than myself...motherhood and the growing and nurturing of my soul, and theirs.

And this duty is Divine.  I have been commissioned from on High for the grandest, holiest, most sacred calling a daughter of God can ever have, that of mother.  How can I ever be enough to give my sweet little ones all that they need, deserve in this life?

But the realization then drapes over me like a velvet cloak of purple assuring me of the royalty that runs through my veins, and thoughts of I can do this and He will be with me rest on my careworn shoulders, bolstering them up to the stature of a princess.  Once again, I am reminded that God is my Father and I am His daughter, which makes me the daughter of the Creator of the whole wide universe, the Divine King of all heaven and earth.  And I am His daughter?  I smile knowing, feeling the reality of this truth.

And I can do this mothering journey because He is my Father, which means He will be there to show me the way.  He will be a lamp unto my feet, a lighthouse glowing to steer me aright.  And I will be the mother He intended because Eucharisteo is always enough.  His grace is always sufficient, and if our grace is coupled with His, it will always be enough.

And this is why I am feeling purple. Deep, majestic, royal, and ready to conquer the world...or just my home, where I am the queen.

My Secret.

Each night for the past month and a half (and many times inbetween), I have communed with God and pleaded with Him for a baby.

...a baby girl.

And heaven has answered too many times to count, in the affirmative.

But my self-doubting, human mind has questioned me--not Him of course, with thoughts of how this could be possible and how can I trust my feelings since they must be blurred by desire.

And yet deep within, I feel the burning. And the peace. And the hope alive and burning, glowing with truth.  I have felt close to her, so close. My heart aches for her as if I've lost her and yet it must be the ache of reuniting with someone I've missed for ever so long.

I await His timing knowing that last month must not have been right, but this month I think will be.  

We wondered if this month could be right when the due date would be only a few days after Thanksgiving.  And we will be moving only a few weeks later.  I doubted and felt nothing.  But my sweetheart received the heaven-sent revelation this time.  I cannot forget the way he smiled at me, telling me how wonderful it would be to hold our baby girl on Thanksgiving...in thanksgiving.  And my heart gasped for he didn't know that I had felt the very exact same thing only the night before.

And so we tried this month.

And if my intuition is indeed gleaming, we succeeded.

For when my sweetheart and I were peacefully watching a lovely movie, I felt the impression, the vision almost, that He was telling her it was almost time.  And tears stung my eyes and I stared at the pink blooming tulips on the vanity and willed her to being with all of my heart.  

And since that late night of visions and tulip-gazing my body is showing early signs and my heart is knowing yes this is the month.

So now I wait. We wait. Not in agony as last month, but in hopeful, knowing anticipation of the dawn that is just about to break.

My Very Own Autumn

Last month at this time I was completely and utterly dreading Autumn...not because I dislike the beautiful leaves and crisp air, but simply because I am a summer girl who loves warmth and sunshine...not to mention how awful it is to look ahead apprehensively for a stressfully busy Christmas season and then even worse, the winter blues that descend upon me with a terrific crash in January.

So I've pondered a lot on what I can do about my seasonal mood swings and I determined to ask my dear, sweet friend Savanah for some wisdom in this regard.

With her usual insight, she replied with some ideas that changed my whole outlook on the months of September, October, November, and December.

1.  Try to find things that are beautiful amidst the dreary winter.  Like watch the sunrise make the freshly fallen snow sparkle.  Or wear a black pair of gloves and catch the snowflakes on them.  The black makes it so that you can see each individual snowflake beautifully and you can admire their each unique shape.  I find that when we make a conscious effort to look for the good in everything then we find it.  So make it a goal to each day find one thing new that you can enjoy about winter.

2.  Make a goal for the end of each month.  Have something exciting and fun to look forward to.  Like a pedicure or lunch out with your grandma or something.  If you have something fun to look forward to, than the months won't seem to drag on too slowly.

3.  Try wearing bright colors.  Even when everyone else is wearing the seasons dark and drab color scheme, try wearing spring colors to lift your spirits.  You could also try adding bright colors to your home decor for the winter season to try and brighten your home.

4.  Learn something new.  I thought that a fun hobby would be to learn to crochet cute winter hats.  My mom made some last winter that had an adorable flower on the side, they were so stylish for a homemade hat.  Those might be fun to learn to make in order to lighten up a winter day!

5.  Make memorable winter moments.  Make a snowman with your boys or curl up in a big blanket with a cup of hot chocolate, warm popcorn, an old movie and your little family.

And finally....today I found a wonderful idea in the Ensign.  There was an article about a mom who memorized "The Living Christ" and then tried to help her family memorize it.  I know that our kids are too young for that just yet, but what if you tried to work on memorizing a part of it each day.  It will uplift your spirits, invite the Holy Ghost into your home and no doubt prepare you for the Christmas season.  Before you know it, winter will be half over and you won't even have had time to think about it!!

And so because of her inspiration, my Autumn has become something different this year.  It's not just a time to notice the dropping temperatures or dread the foreboding winter.

It's a time of change.  And of preparation.

It's a time to settle down and make home a comfortable haven for soon wintry days.

It's a time to put away the summer and put on the fall...including soft sweaters. (Of course, I'm going to continue wearing summer colors on occasion. ;)

It's a time to stop and pause and look how far this year has taken me...and how far I still have to go in order to reach my goals and become the person I want to be before the end of December.

It's a time to recommit to pushed aside projects and procrastinated ideas.

It's a time to make apple pie and pumpkin spice bread.

And cinnamon rolls...we had those last night.

And last week when the boys and I drove down to my Mom's, I glanced off to my right to see a little bunch of fiery red trees clustered on the side of a mountain.

It was a sign to me that Autumn is officially here...and surprisingly, that thought did not make me cringe or even sigh.

I smiled.

When winter comes along, I will be ready with Savanah's tricks up my sleeve.

"Come what may, and love it!" as Elder Wirthlin would say.

I guess my goal for September can be checked off.

I am LOVING Autumn.

Today I'm feeling...

...like I'm this field of dandelions.  I'll tell you why.

Today I turned over a new leaf...

...it's name was

Simplify.

It all began with Nephi you see.

About 3 weeks ago I was reading about Nephi praying in earnest that he might burst the bands which held him bound (1 Nephi 7:17).  The Lord answered his prayer and the cords were loosed.

I was pondering on the question:  "What am I bound with?"

And it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I am bound by my overcomplicated life that spreads me so thin and pushes me to the outer limits of my anxiety.

So I wrote in the margin of my scriptures:

"Pray to the Lord in great faith that you can break your bands by simplifying your life and ask Him to give you the capacity to succeed in the simple matters."

So I did.  And He answered me too by loosing my bands.

I made a list of the most important things that I want to accomplish in my "simple" life.  They were: 

1-Nourishing my own spirituality and testimony

2-Teaching my family

3-Making family memories

4-Preserving those memories

That's all it took for me to realize what I needed to cut out in my life and what needed to stay in.

I then rearranged my schedule to include and focus on the "important things."

Well, that was the easy part.

You see, I've always been such a good planner and such a poor carrier-outer.

I can't count the good intentions I've made that have slipped through the cracks in one way or another.

Well, this is one plan I didn't want failing.

So now I'm in the praying phase...praying for the desire to carry out my simplified life.

And guess what?

It's working.

It always does. when He's involved.

And so today when Patrick went back to school, I began my simplified schedule.

And it worked perfectly. {Or at least nearly so}.

And this is why I feel like a field full of dandelions.

You still don't see the analogy?

Let me explain.

I'm not a field of roses because the things I've chosen to implement in my life are not expensive, costly, or looked upon by the world as desirable.  In fact, my simple homemaker lifestyle that consists of feasting on the words of Christ for a small time each day, cooking simple meals, cleaning a little at a time, planning small dates for me and my husband, preparing my sunbeam lessons, teaching my boys from the scriptures daily, educating my boys in a secular way, and reading millions of picture books is not glamorous, noteworthy, or even intelligent.  To the world I am just a field full of weeds.

But that's because the world's lens is dark and reverse magnified.

To them all I do is sow seeds of dandelions with my simple acts.

And I'm all right with that. Because I choose to look through heaven's lens.

For Heavenly Father sees perhaps a field of pure white lilies.

And I know that His opinion is all that really matters.

So, in sum, I've consigned myself willingly to a life perceived as a field of dandelions.

But just between you and me, we know better.

Dandelions=Lilies in heaven.

My New Vintage Scarf

Oh I was so so excited to get this last week.

Soft white vintage scarf with a scattering of lace fringing the bottom.

I'm in love with it.

And I kind of wish I could wear it every day.

For when I do I can't help but think of white.

and purity

and dainty cottage life that someday I wish to lead.

Look Closer.

I think I first learned this lesson in my 7th grade Health class.  When I saw my class schedule, my heart dropped.  What luck?!  The dreaded Mrs. Gray.  I had never talked to anybody who liked her.  She was meaner than mean, crueler than cruel and often sent kids home in tears!  To top it all off, I had never heard of a single person who had ever received an A in her class.  This was the most worrisome part of all considering my 4.0 GPA.

I will never forget the encounter I had with my dad when I told him of my horrible misfortune.  He looked at me with his wise, fatherly eyes and told me to give her a chance.  He counseled me to be respectful and good in her class, and to work hard.  This I could do, I thought.  But then he told me that I might be surprised.  Mrs. Gray might become my favorite teacher, he smiled.  I agreed to do my best, but in my heart I questioned my dad's last statement.  He just doesn't know Mrs. Gray, I thought.

I had knots in my stomach all weekend long as I waited for Monday to roll along.  And it did much to my dismay.  My first day was scary of course, and Mrs. Gray did seem like the witch everyone described her to be.  But as the semester progressed, I noticed that my respect and hard work was paying off.  Before long I noticed that Mrs. Gray was taking a liking to me.  She asked me to do favors for her, and she actually smiled at me--often!  It was a miracle!  By the end of the semester, I had learned a great deal, and my grade was an A.  I realized with a little laugh that Mrs. Gray had become my most favorite teacher.  On the last day of school, I took her a bouquet of flowers and thanked her for all she had done for me.  She gave me a great big hug and showered me with compliments on my accomplishments that year.

The "Mrs. Gray experience" was so much like this banana.  Far away and according to rumored opinions, Mrs. Gray was gray and monstrous.  But up close with a magnifying glass, she was beautifully yellow...a truly golden person...that is, if you took the chance to get to know her.

Thank you Mrs. Gray...for teaching me lessons of health...and lessons of life.

{brown m&m's}

Dear April 20th,

Tonight I dipped my hand into my little red bag of peanut butter m&m's and pulled out a plethora of brown ones.  There were a few other colors mixed in, but what are the odds?  Doesn't it seem like there are just some days like this?  Today was one for me.  Brown m&m's.  A wasted trip to the store.  A wasted trip to grandparents (no one was home).  A windy, blustery day.  Only 10 minutes at the park.  Ornery boys.  Tired me.  Brown m&m's.

But at the same time, there is somewhat of a beauty about these dark little things.  Think chocolaty-richness.  Think dark, brown eyes.  Think muddy mud pies.  And brownies.  And german chocolate cake.  Fuzzy teddy bears.  Hot cocoa.  Maybe you can add some of your own.  Brown isn't always bad.  There's a certain sweetness in the drab.  If we look hard enough.

I guess I can love you April 20th...my beautiful, brown day.

Meditation on Color

Different days beget different feelings, do they not?  Overjoyed. Discouraged. Sweet. Melancholy. Boisterous. Ornery. The list could be volumes.  Let's assign a color to our emotions.  For like colored chalklets, our emotions paint the horizon of our days.  It makes for a livelier discussion when someone asks, "How are you?" to respond, "Oh, I'm feeling a bit magenta today."  Don't you think?

Upon awaking, establish the color you want {or feel} to be.  Remember that colors can change and so can our moods.  Blue doesn't have to stay downtrodden all day...mix in a little bit of exciting red and wallah!  Purple is born.  Also, shades are quite subject to change.  A hot pink, vibrantly glowing in the morning can fade to a pale, pastel shade of rose in the evening when contentment has set it.  White and black do a lot to vary shades.

Here begins my experimentation on color.  Wish me luck.  I wish you luck.
Until tomorrow...what color will you decide to be?